Tying the Knot with Teen-age Boys

I have mentored a group of 6th-8th grade boys, the Explorers,  since 2001. Several years ago I began teaching them how to tie a necktie. They are old enough that they need to wear a tie for vocal or band concerts and contests, athletic events and other special occasions. I believe that if you're going to wear a tie, you should tie it correctly, make it the right length and pair it with appropriate clothes.

So it has become an annual tradition now that we spend the first two meetings after they come back from holiday break learning to tie a necktie. We recently finished our tie tying lessons and I can report that they did a fine job.

I first tell them that you cannot just "hang" a tie on yourself to be a "well dressed man". You must combine shined, hard-soled shoes, dress slacks (not cargo pants) and a nice dress shirt (preferably white or blue) with the tie to complete the package. This brings some vocal skepticism that sneakers or basketball shoes don't go with every article of clothing that they own!

I teach them the four in hand knot the first week and the double windsor knot the second week. I emphasize the details - length of the tie, shape of know, dimple, etc. While not every knot is perfectly shaped and dimpled, I know that they can do much better if they get a chance in front of a mirror. They seem to embrace and enjoy the sessions.

I also tell them that the girls love it when the guys dress up. It makes them look older and more handsome. While the smiles sheepishly creep across their faces at this report, it is easy to detect the wheels turning in their minds. Research also tells us that young men are more confident and behave better when they are well dressed. I don't tell them this part. This is my secret!

I believe part of the reason that these guys don't like wearing a tie is because they know that wearing a "clip-on" tie is somehow inherently wrong and that asking your dad or mom to tie your tie for you isn't something a teenage boy wants to do. Once they know how to tie their own neck tie, it "liberates" them to wear a tie when they are asked to or when they see fit..

When our sessions are done, I think most leave self-assured and satisfied that they are ready for a great new wardrobe frontier beyond t-shirts and sneakers! (Though I know it won't take them long to revert!)

When I go to a high school concert or see any of the former Explorers dressed in a tie for some other event, I often get a comment from them or a question about how their tie looks. My answer is always the same - YOU LOOK GREAT!!!